Monday, December 6, 2010

Debby Downer

Today is definitely one of those days... I just feel like my spirit is in the gutter. What's my nickname for today? Debby Downer. Not sure if it's school that's making me feel this way, or something else is going on. I feel like sometimes when I'm feeling down... my emotions keep spiraling out of control and I cannot stop it. Sometimes I wish I could be graduated already and teaching my students; I feel like it's always just right out of my reach. I know I shouldn't be acting like this, but it's hard when you put your all into something, and it gets thrown back in your face. What do you do when your best isn't good enough? I know a lot of this has to do with my math class and I'm not sure how I can change that. I also feel like college has taken a lot of creativity away from me. I used to be original and had amazing ideas of what I wanted to do with my students someday; I was so passionate about teaching... now? Now, I sometimes feel like I don't want to teach at all anymore. I really do want to pursue my dream to write a novel as well, but I cant solely focus on just that. A lot of new authors aren't always noticed or taken seriously and I can't make a living with just that even if it's something I love. Don't get me wrong I still want to teach more than anything, I just feel like the process of getting there is taking it's toll on me. Try having a family tragedy in the mix with all that... definitely makes things worse. I know it's just one of those days, and hopefully tomorrow will be better because I hate feeling like this. It's been so foggy outside and I can't but help to think it's a metaphor for my life right now. Usually I have a clear head, but lately everything I believe in and my dreams seem to be all scrambled. My path is now foggy and that's not a very comforting feeling. I need the fog to lift; I need to start living again to the fullest... because as of right now, I feel like my life has come to a screeching halt.


Hope your Monday is going better than mine.
xo.

7 comments:

  1. Oh girl I've felt so sad today too. I was driving to the grocery store and all of a sudden a sappy Christmas song came on and I started bawling. It was pretty pathetic. I feel like my life is at a screeching halt as well. I mean, I've been out of school for 6 months and still haven't gotten a job. I got great grades, was pres of my sorority, did tons of volunteer work and 2 editing internships so it is just frustrating that I can't get anywhere especially when I see people who did nothing but party in college getting jobs. I've been trying so hard my whole life and now I feel like I've hit a wall. It makes it worse that my friends don't even attempt to empathize with me. I have always made a huge effort to be there for them during their hard times, but now that I need support they are no where to be found. That's why I am glad we've become good friends through blogging. I feel like you are there more for me than any of my friends and you are several states away!
    Oops, this ended up being more of a giant rant than a comment, but I hope your day gets better sweetheart and know that you aren't the only one feeling this way!
    xoxoxo

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  2. These rough days are no fun, AT ALL! Seems like a lot of people have been having days like these lately :(

    I had a really bad day a couple months ago and posted these photos:
    http://myprettypinkpearl.blogspot.com/2010/11/not-today.html
    You'll probably be able to relate.

    Being overwhelmed and overworked can take such a negative toll on us. Think about it, even God rested on the 7th day. Sure, He created everything in the universe. But, He's God. His projects get to be bigger than ours. Point is, if we don't take time to rest and recharge, it's nearly impossible to enjoy life.

    When I get down, I either sleep (mmmm, love naps) or listen to a Kris Vallotton podcast. He's so incredibly motivational, I can't help but feeling uplifted after listening to him. If you're interested, He's got 40 or so sermons on iTunes for free. I just listened to "The Rest of Faith" the other day and I feel more at peace with this rough season of life I'm going through right now.

    Looks like I wrote you a novel-length comment too (:

    *Trisha*

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  3. jessica - just try to hang in there and focus on all the positives in your life. i know you're going through a lot really hard things, especially with your father, but this whole experience WILL make you stronger. try not to wish away your time in college... you only have a semester left. savor all of the good. the bad (math=the devil) will be over soon enough. just try to take it day by day and try not to get overwhelmed. you'll finish school. you'll become a great teacher. and you have your family and friends to support you. it's okay to have a bad day every now and then but don't let the bad days outnumber the good. feel better. xoxo jcd

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  4. Sending positive thoughts your way!
    I think we all have days like this which just shows that we all make it through it. I hope your passion for teaching gets you through these tough days.

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  5. i know its a cliche but things will get better and till then just hang in there! :)

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  6. Thanks for all your kind words everyone... you truly brightened my day.

    xo.

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