Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words

As I wrote in my last post, I'm making my mom a calender for X-mas. I'm so sad though, because I thought if I shipped it yesterday it would arrive on Christmas Eve; after I spent all day doing it... they said it will be shipped Jan 5th :( Oh well, it's the thought that counts right? I went through so many photo albums today and scanned a lot of pictures. It was definitely bitter sweet, mostly sweet though. Bitter because seeing my step dad like how he used to be saddens me. But that's okay, it's nice to at least have the good memories to go back to. Yesterday was really hard; my step dad had to go to the hospital to have a feeding tube put inside him. He can still eat, but it's getting harder and harder, so the doctors wanted to do this now to be safe. My mom and step dad spent all day long at the hospital. When they got home, my mom was beyond worn out and my step dad was so out of it. I just feel so bad for both of them. It's like the tragedy never ends. ALS makes me so mad too because my step dad is all there in his head, so he knows what is happening to him. I wish he could just forget. He told my mom the other day that he just wants to die; that breaks my heart, but I can understand that he doesn't want to suffer anymore. I wish I could take that pain away.

Anyways enough with the sad stuff; lately I have been posting a lot of pictures so I'm going to continue down that road. Here are a lot of pictures that I stumbled upon while making my mom's X-mas gift. Some are really old and some are kind of old... but they are all special to me! I find it funny that I'm posting this at 1:30 am, but hey if you can't sleep might as well do something productive... well sort of. A lot of them at the beginning are of me and my cousins Nicole & Alaina. I've known them my entire life and we are closer than sisters. :) Also I kind of did a before and after with some of the shots! (And just for your information, the last picture of me and my cousins - we have on our Greek dance costume; one of the many. I miss dancing!)

My cat Buddy who I was extremely close with. Sweetest cat in the entire world; we had to put him asleep a year ago because he had cancer
:( RIP.

Me and my older step-bro Cameron and then me and my little bro Landon

Here are some of my mom. She is so gorgeous! Full Greek (which you can tell) There are some really old ones of her, but I can't help it. It's crazy how much we look alike. My mom is my rock and my best friend. We are closer than close and I love that about us... I can tell her anything. She has been so brave and strong throughout her entire life; I admire her most in the world. She is my hero.

Now these are the pictures of my step-dad; I'll definitely have more posts of him coming up.

This first one was over Memorial weekend and the second one was over Labor Day weekend this year. My step-dad is in his wheel-chair in this picture along with my step bro Cam and my two nephews Isaac and Jaxon in the first one; the second is with those same four, but my sister-in-law, my mom, and me. This wasn't too long ago, and yet my step-dad is a lot worse than he is in both of these pictures. But the second one is our most recent picture we have.

Here are some of me and my step-dad when I was little. I've known him since I was 3 years old... so when I say it's like I'm losing my dad, it's the truth.

This next picture really hits home for me. Every time I see it, I start crying. It means something, actually everything to me. It is the last time and will forever be the last time that me and my step-dad will ever be able to dance together. This was at a wedding in 08' and the song "My Girl" came on, and I jumped up and grabbed him from across the room and we danced to it. It was a feeling I got that I cannot describe; something was telling me that I needed to dance with him. We had a great time and my mom got this picture. I know my step-dad won't be there to dance with me at my wedding, but this memory will be.

To me, a picture speaks a thousand words. The memories that cascade off of a picture is overwhelming. And though these pictures probably don't mean much to you, but they mean everything to me.

Okay, now I can go to sleep. Thanks for viewing followers - you all mean so much to me. Seriously, your kind words always make me smile and even though I haven't met any of you, well most of you; you each have a special place in my heart. It's people like you that help others during a great time of need, and that's exactly what you're doing for me. Thanks for being there.

xo.

10 comments:

  1. I'm new to your blog, but I just want to say it's lovely and sincere. And I'm very sorry to hear about your stepdad. I wish him and your family the very best.

    xo
    Rambles with Reese

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  2. Oh man, It's only 7:49 in the morning, but this post made me cry. I am so sorry that you have to go through what is happening with your stepdad, and I can't even begin to imagine how I would feel if it was someone I loved. I guess all you can do is what you are doing and just hang in there. Obviously I don't know you very well besides reading your blog, but if you ever thought of anything a random stranger could do for you please feel free to let me know!

    I hope that you and your family enjoy this Christmas! Sorry that you calendar doesn't ship out till the 5th, what a bummer!

    xo,
    Casey
    www.blondebargainbabe.com

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  3. I have greatly enjoyed reading this blog post! It always fun to get a peak into someone's life especially in regards to old photos and memories. A picture really does speak a thousand words.

    Your step dad sounds like an amazing men. Sometimes it is hard to believe that such misfourtune can fall upon such a wonderful and caring person (your step dad). I love the picture of you and him dancing what a wonderful memory that you will forever cherish.

    One thing I always wished I would have had were cousins my age. I currently only hav 2 first cousins and although they are wonderful people they are a lot older than me so we (we being my brother and I) never "grew up" togather and honestly we really never got to know them at all. I love reading stories about everyone's cousins!

    Again, loved this blog post! It was very touching

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  4. J.Ruud -

    first of all, thank you for sharing these wonderful photos with us. The choice of pics you made to present us in your blog and the story that lies behind show me how much these lovely reminders mean to you.

    It is so touching for me to read this special post and I followed my inner calling that told me to write you a comment.

    I love the way you write about feelings. You really understand how to put feelings into words.

    Before saying some words to your step-dad I would like to mention that I am sitting now right next to my father's bed while I am writing these lines.
    He is also very ill - he can not move or talk, but still knows, feels and watches what's going on ... it is hard for us to not know what he is feeling or thinking -
    but what I wanted to say is that I can really understand how you feel. I very deeply feel for you, your step-dad, your mum and the rest of your family.
    I just can give you following advice (but I am sure you already know that):
    show and give him all the love that you can, tell him always and again how much you love and care for him and avoid to talk about him with other persons in front of him. Try to treat him and talk to him as if he were a healthy person.

    Let me know when I can do something for you. Really!

    Sending you all my love, hope, power and peace!
    Stay strong and let your inner light shine!

    God bless you and your family

    Big kiss from Germany & keep in touch

    Nicole
    http://nicolewalberer.blogspot.com

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  5. this post is beautiful and speaks such volumes. these pictures and beyond fantastic. it's so fun to look back and remember all of the happy times. it's truly a great way to escape.

    i love that last photo of you and your step dad. i'm so happy that you have that. you will always be able to look at that picture and remember just how happy you were ♥

    your posts really open up my eyes to the things that i should forever be thankful for. i really appreciate it more than i could ever express.

    thinking of you this holiday season and wishing nothing but happiness for you and your family :)

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  6. First of all, you, your mom, and your stepdad are all such beautiful people!

    Second, I will definitely remember your stepdad in my prayers as he fights this illness.

    Third, photos truly do speak a thousand words. I love looking at all of your memories, and that last picture of you and your stepdad is definitely a gorgeous one...that I know you will always treasure.

    sending Merry Christmas wishes & lots of love your way! xo

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  7. these are adorable photos. i hope you have a WONDERFUL christmas and enjoy your time with your family. xoxo jcd

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  8. Your family is absolutely beautiful! Old photos are my favorite! And they are very bittersweet, always. Your stepfather is in my prayers as well as your family!
    Merry Christmas to you darling,
    Xo

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  9. Thanks once more for all your lovely comments. You are all so amazing. Enjoy the holidays.

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