Saturday, February 26, 2011

Never Say Never

Never Say Never
And there's just no turnin back
When your heart's under attack
Gonna give everything I have
It's my destiny
I will never say never
I will fight till forever
Whenever you knock me down
I will not stay on the ground
Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up
And never say never
You heard me - I got these lyrics from none other than Justin Bieber! Yes, I am a Biebs fan and you know what after seeing the movie today :) I can say that I am proud of that fact. Mostly because today it inspired me and made me feel better. This kid is seriously talented. Watching him at two years playing the guitar and the drums... and that voice, I mean come on! That's talent. And the kid has such a good heart. I love hearing the stories of a small town kid who didn't have a lot, work towards a dream and his whole life changed. Yet, he still stays true to those in his life and has respect for everyone around him. He is an idol to so many girls out there and you know what, when we were younger who did we love? Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Brittney Spears, etc. Let them have something to believe it.

One of the songs he sings that's my favorite is the one I posted: Never Say Never. If you really listen to the lyrics they can seriously make you feel whole. It gives you inspiration that you need to go after what you believe in.

So thank you Justin Bieber... you inspired this post.

Yesterday wasn't a very good day, and I'll get personal and tell you why. My first math exam for 4020... I failed. Yup, nice big F. I never get F's in school... it's just something that isn't acceptable for myself. So seeing this rocked my boat. I spiraled suddenly to the ground and couldn't get back up. I got so depressed. I felt the fear that after 6 years in college I wouldn't be graduating because of math. It was like the universe was laughing in my face pointing it's long finger saying, "yes, math will be the reason this was all a waste of your time." Math is my personal demon; it's been a demon ever since I was little. People who have read my blog for a while will know I complain about it.... a lot. And I'm sorry about that, but this subject is not easy to me and never has been. The teachers past me along in elementary school when I should have received the help I so desperately needed - but I never got that. So I have always struggled. I am the most creative, imaginative, right brained person you will ever meet... but me and logic, well, we don't mix. I am not a problem solver - that's just a fact, and this math is all about that. Plus geometry, statistics, and proofs. And this isn't your ordinary geometry, it's math 4020 an upper division math class that confuses you so you can see what it's like for a child; the result is dealing with math problems that I feel like are impossible to accomplish. It's always an ongoing battle with math and I barely pull through every single time. And in college I have pretty much had to re-take every math class too. I didn't want to have to do that again. But they told me this would be thee hardest class I would take for my major and I now believe them. I have been struggling to stay afloat, and yesterday I felt as though I had already lost the battle. Sometimes I feel like a person sometimes just gets to a learning point where they just cannot understand it any further and that's that. I cried for about 3 hours yesterday...and then got angry. My teacher is not a good teacher; she seriously doesn't teach. I wrote her an email and laid all my feelings out on the table, I was a little scared I would get kicked out of her class. But she ended up saying she wants to meet Monday to go over my test and then set up a permanent day every week to work on math. I was really thankful about that, but worried because I don't even think she's that good, so what will change? My mom says the one-on-one, which probably will. I get really insecure letting people see how I really am at math, but I want her to see. I hope that if she sees I'm making an effort, something good will come out of this... I pray. I have to get a C or better, and I have two more tests and a practicum, portfolio, and some more homework, so hopefully I can pull it through.

I realized after watching the Justin Bieber movie, that when one door closes, another door opens for you. I won't let math take a hold of me like that anymore. I am stronger than that...and I can do this. I gave up on myself yesterday - saying I knew this was the end... I couldn't do better than that. That was a damn lie. I can do better and I will do better. Since I was five years old I wanted to be a school teacher. I know I can change lives of children and make a difference in their life. That is my calling and that's what my path has in store for me. One class in college won't put an end to that, even if I do have to re-take it. This is life. It is hard, but when you make it through... well in the end it all becomes worth it and shapes you.

That's why I don't have any regrets in life because without the mistakes we make, how could you ever learn from the lessons life throws your way? You take what you learn and you apply it to life situations. That's how we live. I appreciate that fact. But life should be filled with joy, love, happiness, and hope, and there is still hope for me yet.

I am on a path of changing my life for the better. Nothing is going to stand in my way anymore. And anyone who tells me that "I can't," well then stay out of my way because I'll step right over you to show you who I really am. I will become a teacher, fall in love and meet my Mr. Right, write a novel and become a best selling author, change the lives of those around me, and live a life of plenty and never look back... only forward.

Never say never. This is my DESTINY.

Hope you all enjoy your weekend - mine has already been great, but extremely cold and snowy. I think they should fire the groundhog because spring in Utah, is not right around the corner that's for sure.


Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I realized I haven't done a WILW in a while ;) So here we go. First of all... I love this week. It was supposed to be my most stressful week yet (hell week) as I've been calling it. Then I changed everything and took my negative thoughts away thanks to the help oh my best friend Mary who is seriously my rock lately wow. This week has surprisingly gone extremely well. I had to do team teaching yesterday which means I practically ran the entire day and planned all the centers and what not; I did amazing. And I felt so confident up there... like a real life teacher!! Today I had to do something hard, personal so I'm not going to go in detail, but it went better than I could have hoped. I got a text from Mary at 4 am saying, "Runty, when you wake up go look on your porch." Well I didn't wake up that early so my mom came in and brought me this:

  • Tulips
  • A book called: The Law of Happiness by Dr. Henry Cloud
  • A beautiful card with the kindest words
  • My favorite candy Dots!

It was just so thoughtful... and honest to God I started crying like a baby. That type of love blows me away every time and she didn't want anything in return, just wanted me to know she was there for me. It touched my heart. She is the light in my life. Reminded me of this quote:

"Flowers grow out of dark moments" -Corita Kent.

It's honestly so true and that's what I love about today. Having someone like Mary in my life. I am so blessed with a wonderful family, amazing friends, my ability to go to college and practice what I love, that I'm a talented writer and more.

See here is my happy camper face that I am wearing today:

Oh and have to love being bored and taking the random pictures of yourself... myspace style ;)

I love this quote also:

And these pictures:

UP! One of my favorite Pixar movies to date. It's beautiful from start to finish.
I love that puppy - when I am moving to Oregon (hopefully with Mary next year) I'm buying this dog!!! And I already have a name picked out: Toby. I also want to get a kitten and name it: Nalla (which is from Black Dagger Brotherhood.)

Anyae's art on : She draws all the pictures from the Black Dagger Brotherhood; the series I'm obsessed with which you should ALL read!! The artwork is magnificent seriously.
Well that's all for now. I get to study for a math test now (something I don't love about today). But keeping the positivity up, I will do great on my test :) How was that? Sound convincing??
Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday.
Just a thought off Country Strong to part on is: LOVE EVERYTHING.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Planting Postive Thoughts

"How do I stop my negative thoughts?" – is a question that I have been asked many times. If you have ever asked this question then you will feel such enormous relief in knowing the answer, because it is so simple. How do you stop negative thoughts? You plant good thoughts!

When you try to stop negative thoughts, you are focusing on what you don't want – negative thoughts – and you will attract an abundance of them. They can never disappear if you are focused on them. The "stop" part is irrelevant – the negative thoughts are your focus. It doesn't matter if you are trying to stop negative thoughts or control them or push them away, the result is the same. Your focus is on negative thoughts, and by the law of attraction you are inviting more of them to you.

The truth is always simple and it is always easy. To stop negative thoughts, just plant good thoughts! Deliberately plant good thoughts! You plant good thoughts by making it a daily practice to appreciate all the things in your day. Appreciate your health, your car, your home, your family, your job, your friends, your surroundings, your meals, your pets, and the magnificent beauty of the day. Compliment, praise, and give thanks to all things. Every time you say "Thank you" it is a good thought! As you plant more and more good thoughts, the negative thoughts will be wiped out. Why? Because your focus is on good thoughts, and what you focus on you attract."

-Rhonda Byrne

So I realized that this week is going to be one of the most stressful weeks I'm going to have - but then I read this message from "The Secret" and then read my horoscope yesterday: You may be experiencing a challenging period now. But don't curse your current circumstances, because they will ultimately pave the way for a great opportunity that should open up for you in the very near future. Even though you may be facing some difficulties now, this is a time to express your gratitude for all the small blessings you probably take for granted. The more you realize how wonderful your life is even now, the better it will become."

I don't think it could be more dead on. These two messages really link a lot and opened my eyes to be honest. Instead of thinking how hard this week is going to be, I started thinking about all the wonderful things that are going to happen this week. I made a list and suddenly have started to feel better about everything.

Working on being positive can definitely be a process, but the more you keep up with it, the more good things will come your way. You just feel better and happier. It actually rubs off on others as well.

Final note: This week is going to be amazing. I am going to be successful in whatever I put my mind to. Things are going to work out in my favor. I will learn a lot and gain a lot. Worrying will leave my mind as of right now. Good things; good thoughts only. This week is going to be amazing.

Enjoy President's Day!!!!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Rainy Days and Double Features

Today is a very, very rainy day here in the SLC. But honestly, I love the rain!! I always have. So much better than the snow ;) It's so refreshing and I love the sound of rain; rainstorms are definitely my favorite though. That's why if I move to Oregon, I won't even mind all the rain. I'll take it for having beautiful green surrounding me; risk I'm more than willing to take!
Yesterday I had so much fun with my bestie!! We were such dorks and went to two movies in one day; can I hear a double feature!!! First we went to I Am Number Four. I loved it. And I'm not just saying that because Alex Pettyfer is the main star... well maybe slightly. I did like it though and I loved that the girl from Glee is in it too! They are dating in real life and I'm very jealous. We then went to Bonsai: a really yummy Japanese Restaurant and the chef's cook right in front of you flinging knives around and throwing food in your mouth; so exciting and they are so talented!! I would light someones hair on fire for sure! Sadly I didn't take any pictures at the restaurant, but I took a bunch at the movie theater. Anyways, we went to Mary's house after dinner and watched our Oregon video that we made back in August. It brought back my appeal and love for Oregon and reminded me that Oregon is my goal - and it will happen. In the beginning Mary was totally for moving with me, but then things happened and she said it wasn't in her future... but after watching that video, she really told me she is considering it a lot again. I won't get my hopes up way too high, but I definitely hope for the best. Moving with her would be a thrill of a lifetime; something that we would share with our kids later on in life. I can just picture us in our twenties in a little starter cottage and trying to make a living with our jobs and writing (something we are both deeply passionate about). Every time I think of this it gives me butterflies - it's something I want so bad!! I had a post about when we went to Oregon in August and posted pictures, but I'm going to re-post a lot; makes me smile. Anyways, back to last night; after we watched our Oregon video, we started watching Glee season 1 (we haven't finished it yet). Then we decided to go see No Strings Attached; I've already seen it, but Mary hadn't. I was definitely willing to see Ashton Kutcher again :) Besides, I loved that movie! Even though it makes me wish I had a guy sooo badly. Here are the lovely pictures from the night: please keep in mind I was very tired.. haha and so white! I wish I was tan!!! But we do have a deep love for Alex Pettyfer oh yes, we do. Mary would kill me if she knew I posted that last picture... hahaha! It's just so funny wow. Luckily she hardly goes on her blogger, but she is such a good writer!! I actually envy her a lot. After the double feature we went back to her house and watched Glee till 4 am; I really think we had gone crazy by that point... 4 am... really? Yes, really. I love Glee. I love the characters. I love the music. Everything!!

Tonight I'm supposed to have a Vampire Diaries marathon at my sorority, but part of me is way tired of watching show after show. I think I have to go though... because it was after all, my idea. We'll see. I have a huge math test on Wednesday and I don't feel prepared at all; I really need to get some studying in. And Tuesday and Thursday I do my team teach which I'm beyond nervous for... so I really can't just have pure fun this weekend, I need to get to work!!

But... for now, I think I'm going to read. There is just something about a rainy day that makes me want to curl up, drink coffee or hot cocoa, and read or write actually; depends what type of mood I'm currently in. Right now I'm in a reading mood. I'm always suggesting books to Mary - like so many, and she's always such a good sport reading them. Most of the time she absolutely loves my suggestions such as: Black Dagger Brotherhood and The Mortal Instruments. This time she is suggesting something to me:
The Hunger Games.

I have heard so much about this series and how amazing it is, so I'm really excited to give it a shot. Mary knows that this type of books isn't something I usually read - not my genre. But isn't that the point of being a successful writer? You have to read and open yourself to everything!! That way it shows you other types of writing and more possibilities. I'm only on the four chapter, and it did at first take some time, but I'm getting more into it. I love how Katniss is such a bad-ass and it's a strong female role!! That always makes me smile. Have you all read this book? If so, what did you think?

Anyways, I hope you all have an amazing long weekend!!! Take care.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

What A Week

Wow. What. A. Stressful. Week. This week definitely had it's ups and downs! Sad I haven't written since Monday - I hate not writing every single day, but honestly I haven't had the time! Yesterday I realized at about 8:00 pm, that I hadn't eaten all day! Crazy... I know. I just cannot wait to be done with school. I know the real world is beyond stressful, but I'm ready for that change! I'm in a rut being in school still, especially math 4020; it's kicking my butt!!! Student teaching is really fun, but also stressful, mostly because the next couple of weeks I'm doing team teaching and solo teaching (which I am really nervous for). I'm lucky to have such great girls as the other student teachers; we really help one another a lot and I really appreciate that. We want each other to succeed instead of getting ahead of one another. Our main teacher is nice, but a little neurotic; I'm talking OCD like. The same chairs have to go with each other, markers need to be turned a certain way, we have to watch practically everything we say in that class so we aren't forcing the children to do anything. I know it's stressful, but I have to keep thinking that it's really going to help mold my future. It will prepare me you could say, and I'm thankful for that, tired endlessly, but thankful.

Excited to watch Vampire Diaries tonight (I know I mention it like no other, but come on, have you seen Damon Salvatore?) which I'm really stoked about!! I was going to go to Pi Phi to watch it with my girls, but I am beyond tired and have some homework to finish up tonight. Every time I watch this show I am amazed. Usually by the second season, certain shows start dwindling and the plot becomes ridiculous: not with VD. It keeps building and building and I feel like the season finale (which airs on my birthday May 12!) will blow up my television screen. Every character is so beautiful too!! Seriously, I wonder when people are auditioning if they don't let some people because they don't meet the "look" which I'm sure they do. Jeremy and Bonnie finally kissed last episode... but who cares; I'm all about Damon and Elena. I mean come on, they have so much chemistry with one another it's ridiculous. LET THEM BE TOGETHER!!

Tomorrow I'm really excited because I'm going with my bestie Mary to I Am Number Four with the hottie Alex Pettyfer. Not going to lie, I'm mainly seeing it because of him; even though I know I'll be thinking of him as Jace Wayland (The Mortal Instruments series) the entire movie. He hasn't agreed to do the role yet, but part of me still feels like he will...I hope. Also, speaking of Mortal Instruments, I found out recently that Ed Westwick (another British sex-bot) is going to be doing the voice of Jace and mostly all the other guys for the book on tape - the next book coming out City of Fallen Angels. Umm... I usually don't buy audio books, but I definitely will to hear Ed. I heard he isn't going to be having his amazing accent, but that's okay, his sultry voice will have my head spinning. I love him on Gossip Girl as Chuck Bass - always have, always will even if I think the show is going down hill... which it is. I feel like there is so much candy and cookies in my house from Valentine's Day, which by the way my mom gave me these cookies:
They are called "Cookies by Design," and they are extraordinary!! I'm seriously obsessed with them. I keep trying not to eat them and save it, but it's really hard. The pink one with the swirl in the front is gone... long gone haha. I bet the calories are off the roof, but I don't really care - even though I should ;)

I need to get back into my habit of working out. I feel like because I'm so stressed, whenever I have a free second, I don't want to do anything at all. Exercising does make you feel better, so I know I should. My mind is saying yes do it! My body is telling me to can it and that it wants to just lie there. I sadly agree with my body. But I need to change that, and I will!! Getting into shape is my New Years Resolution actually, so I need to stick by that. I really want a dog. I know it's weird, but I would love a dog so I could walk it!!! I think it would be so fun - and a good work out as well!
My mom snuck a picture of me when I was doing my homework... I look grumpy and weird, but I like my glasses :) That's what they look like on my face, what do you think?: I think I'm already looking very teacher-like ;) So I guess that fits the bill. They help for reading a lot and writing, which is incredibly beneficial. I miss writing; I haven't continued my novel in a while and my fans on fan fiction I swear hate me because I haven't uploaded in forever. Yikes!!! I really need to get on the ball.

I really thought Spring was just around the corner... but I was wrong. My allergies have been terrible, I mean TERRIBLE. I cannot breathe at all now and my sinuses are so stuffy I feel like I have a really bad cold. But it was a preview of what's to come with the pollen gets worse. Last night however, we had a freak snow storm; really bad. I had to drive about 20 miles an hour on the freeway because the snow in my headlights were making me so dizzy!! I am not a fan of snow anymore. It's fine for December and January... some of February I guess, but no more! STOP.

Anyways my show is almost on... so this post won't be as long... but I'll share another favorite picture. Have a great rest of your day!!


Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day... aka Single Awareness Day :) Had to throw that one out there. I was thinking about it, and usually this day makes me feel sad, especially when you see all the adorable lovey dovey couples, but today I felt hope. I realized love defines us. Without love, there is no life. My mom and step-dad show ongoing love for one another even through the toughest of battles, and it's not only an inspiration, but it's a reminder of what love is all about. And that's why I feel hope. Love is everywhere.

"Take away love and our earth is a tomb." - Robert Browning.

"Love is an element which though physically unseen is as real as air or water. It is an acting, living, moving force... it moves in waves and currents like those of the ocean." - Prentice Mulford.

"Love is the most powerful and still most unknown energy in the world." - Pierre Chardin.

I no longer want to "wait" for it to happen; it is already happening... all around me. It's here and I already feel it's power every single day. To be grateful is another way to say thank you to the world we have been given. Everyone does everything out of love. We would have nothing if it weren't for love, hell, we wouldn't be here if it weren't for love.

Life shouldn't just be living "day to day"; you should be excited for every single second and love endlessly. That's how it's going to be from now on. I'm not going to focus anymore energy on what I don't want... only on what I want. I'm going to give thanks as much as I breathe in air and I'm going to love like there is no tomorrow.

I found my inspiration... and I hope those who are lost will find theirs. Here is to love.

So Happy Valentine's Day - may your life be filled with love forever more.


PS: Thank you for always being there for me with kind words and acts of love... it means more than you'll ever know.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Greatest Gift

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." I may not be the biggest fan of Valentine's Day, but I am a huge believer in love. I think that love is truly a gift and that it should be cherished. It's what makes life worth living in my opinion. To love everything around you and everyone is truly something special.

Today when I got home from my cousin's house, there were two vases of flowers. One for me; one for my mom. They were from my step-dad.
These ones are to my Mom:
These are the cards that made both me and my mom cry...
They just really meant a lot, especially in our situation. This is like his final words to me; it's really special. I didn't post my mom's card because it is really personal and her choice. But I wanted people to see mine; shows you what kind of person my step-dad is. He went to the trouble to do this for me and my mother; if that's not love... I don't know what is. People come into our lives and touch them in the most amazing ways. And I'm thankful to that fact. You gain so much from others and they help you grow. My step-dad has done that for me. He has made me the person I am today and that's what I will take with me; that's how he will live in my memories.

I went to a Bacholerette party last night, and it wasn't as wild as some of those parties can get, but it was still really fun. It was for my friend Katie who I have known since Elementary School. She's so adorable and always kind. I didn't get sad or jealous, I got excited. I cannot wait for that love in my life and I know I'll find it. In the meantime however, love is all around me. I've been very blessed by that and it is what helps keep me on me feet.

This doesn't have much to do with love, but it has to do with respect. The long-time coach of our time the Utah Jazz, Jerry Sloan, has retired after 22 years of coaching. Every person in the NBA respects this man. He is very humble and kind and we will miss him greatly. I'm kind of nervous to see how the Jazz does without him, but I'm sure they'll do great.

So here is my post on the greatest gift in my eyes: love. I hope everyone has it in their lives, because without it, well, what a tragedy.
I love you all!!