Thursday, June 9, 2011
I cant help but to get a little sentimental as I add all my old pictures on my new laptop. Sometimes I really miss the old days; sometimes I miss it so badly it hurts. I feel like I was such a different person back then. I've been through so much the last year, that it forced me to grow up sooner than I would have liked. I just pictured my life going so differently. Not trying to be negative, but seriously it scares me sometimes. Yes I am practically done with college doing what I love: teaching. And if I hadn't of gone through what I had, I might have never wanted to pursue writing a novel. So in those aspects, my life is quite positive. But I look at my social life which has dwindled to nothing. It's so sad but it's so true. I know it's my fault; I removed myself from other's life because watching someone die on a daily basis, changes the way you look at the world. I no longer wanted to go out and party like I used to. Listen to friends constantly say, "I'm so fat - blah blah blah!" Well least you can move your arms and legs - bitter I know, but still I keep thinking of ALS and what it took from my step-dad. The dating situation hasn't made me an happier. I dated pretty much a crazy guy last year and I'm still dealing with that baggage even though I checked out...um last year! I just want to meet Mr. Right, or a guy who is worth knowing and spending time with. I know you learn something from every relationship, but so far I haven't met one worthwhile.
But looking at these pictures, I've realized I've been truly blessed. I've gone to places no one will ever get the chance to go to - so I need to look at it that the adventure is not over...it's just beginning and what I've been through has paved this path for me. I'm stronger than I used to be and the experiences I've gained has led me where I am. I will have the future I've always wanted.