Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Shining Jewel Was Lost Today

People go on and live their lives from one minute to the next not even realizing that someone has left this earth. You have to stop and contemplate why we are here in the first place? Life moves pretty quickly and if you close your eyes too long, you're going to miss it. That's all there is to it. I used to be the girl who would complain about a pimple on my face, or that I felt "too fat" that day, blah blah blah...I was a mere child then. Things change. And they change drastically at that. After my step-father was diagnosed with ALS, my world, that comfortable little bubble I'd lived in for half of my life, burst like a bubble. The world I knew ceased to exist. For two years I watched my father die a slow and agonizing death; there was nothing poetic about it. To have a timeline to when you are going to die, handed to you on a platter, is the ugliest form of life. Yes, people sometimes "want to know" so they can live life to the fullest. Well stop it! GO and LIVE right now. What are you waiting for? We are here. And then we are not. That's how life is and there is beauty in that, because we do die and we cannot live forever. We need to write our story and not let it pass us by worrying about the trivial everyday barriers. I grew up in those two years and it changed me forever. I'm stronger. I'm braver. And I know what I want to accomplish in life. I even know what I want in a relationship with a boy because my step father told me as he was dying, "to never settle Jess. You need to realize what you're worth." So I'm doing just that Greg. I promise.

The point to this blog post, is that a good family friend past away today. Nancy Klekas battled cancer for five years and never received her miracle, even though at a football game she told me she had when she had finally entered remission. My mom went to high school with this woman and she touched many lives. In all my time knowing Nancy, she never spoke a cruel word, never did an unkind deed. She was real. And she the definition of a good person. The world has lost a shining jewel today and they don't even know it.

She suffered greatly these last five years, and not just physically...but mentally as well. The last few months were the worst though. The cancer came back in full affect and her body couldn't fight any longer. She hadn't had real food in months either...her poor body must've been so tired. I remember seeing her at a wedding a few months ago and she didn't even look like the same person. It was enough to take my breathe away and Nicole and I went in the bathroom and cried.

How can we be here one minute, and then not? I got angry right after I got the text from my cousin Nicole. I got angry with God. I have battling with my faith ever since Greg got sick; what the bible fails to teach you is that things do happen and God cannot control them...for if he did, there would be no suffering, no pain or fear. But there is. Life doesn't make sense to me a lot of the time and I truly wish I could figure it out. However, I think that may be the point to it all. All I know is that certain people come into our life for a reason even if they cannot stay.

We put a poem on the back of the pamphlet at Greg's funeral. I'd like to write this poem down in honor of Greg, and because with Nancy's death, I can't help but relive that terrible day in which my beloved father had past away:

Wish heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again. 
I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. 
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. 
I think of you in silence,
I often speak your name. 
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. 
Your memory is a keepsake, 
From which I'll never part. 
God has you in his arms. 
I have you in my heart. 

I miss you Greg. Every single day. The past year has been the toughest year of my life and I can't believe we lost someone else now. Greg died on April 26th and now it's August 17th. Nancy even came to Greg's funeral and was there for me and my mom. Now all I can think about are my two friends (twins who I have been friends with since I can remember) Mike and Steve and what their family is going through. I texted Steve this week and he said it was so hard to watch her suffer and feel as helpless as he felt; I know exactly what he meant by that. I felt that every single day for two years and no one can understand that until you've been through something like this. I can't even fathom what it would be like to lose your mother. I know I'd probably die. Melodramatic...maybe? But it's the honest to God truth. I need my mother like I need air. We are inseparable, so it pains my heart deeply to think how they're feeling right now. A mother brings you into this need her. She is the guiding light in your life and your future. But I know that Nancy will always be there for them. 

Here is another poem that was on little cards we gave out at Greg's funeral, but this time, I'm dedicating the poem to Nancy Klekas. A mother. A wife. A friend. A teacher. A shining jewel.

God looked around his garden 
and he found an empty place
and then he looked down upon the earth,
and saw your tired face. 
He put his arms around you, 
and lifted you to rest. 
God's garden must be beautiful,
He always takes the best. 
He knew that you were suffering,
He knew you were in pain, 
He knew that you would never
get well on earth again. 
He saw the road was getting rough,
and the hills were hard to climb,
So he closed your weary eyelids, 
and whispered "Peace by thine." 

(I didn't write these poems - they are just very dear to my heart)


     You fought the battle harder than anyone I've ever seen and what makes this all the most difficult is that you didn't want to lose. You wanted to be around and watch your children grow. But they live in you and your compassion will never die. You had the most beautiful heart I've ever known and you are a hero in my eyes. It was a privilege to know you and I know that I'm better for having you in my life. So peace be with you and may your spirit be eternal. God bless and rest in peace. 

Mike, Nancy, Mom, Me
The two friends- Nancy & Mom
Also, listen to the song Tears Of An RyanDan. It's absolutely beautiful and I always think of Nancy when I listen to it (even before she died...especially now).

For those you are interested, I rarely write poems. I used to when I was younger but I'd rather write stories, not poems. I don't do it properly, but I write exactly what I'm feeling. I wrote a poem for Greg the first time he fell when the ALS was starting to eat away at him, and then I wrote another one as I walked out on my deck in a daze when I found out Nancy past today. I am going to post these two poems on my new "writing" blog (I did write the two I posted on new blog). Please go check it out and I'd like more followers in the sense that I really want to build something positive to help my writing skills for my novels and if anyone else is an aspiring writer/author, somewhere for them to go and share also. Thank you.


  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers your way girl!

  2. OH my goodness...what a beautiful message you are sharing with us. I am so inspired by your words to live life to the fullest. I am so sorry you and your family have weathered another lost loved one....I will remember you in my prayers!

  3. Aww, i'm sorry for your loss hun. <3 stay strong and keep your head up! Those poems were beautiful! <3

    In our sea of love

  4. Thank you so much for sharing this. I can only imagine what you, your friends, and your family have been through. I know it's hard, but I find comfort in God during hard times. He knows everything were going through because not only did he come to this earth to suffer for our sins, but for our sorrows. He felt every single sorrow and pain that everyone that has ever been to this earth has felt. He knows you and wants to help. :)

  5. i hate cancer. so sorry for your loss friend

  6. Im so sorry to hear D: I hope things will get better for you.