Friday, February 3, 2012

Trying to Find that Light

it's no surprise that this week wasn't a hard one. Things are spiraling out of control, and I don't know how to make it stop. I literally have to wake up and give myself a pep-talk to be positive. It shouldn't be that hard...should it?

Asha dying on Sunday, triggered dark feelings inside of me that I though I had been coping with. My step-father's death keeps coming back to haunt me, and the images of those two years are crippling. Life has been anything but easy, and sometimes I wonder if certain people are being "picked on."

God has a plan for all of us, and he gives us what we can handle, but I still wonder sometimes. I know behind closed doors, no family, or person, is perfect. Yes, I get that. I even understand that. But it just seems that certain families suffer far greater than others.

Did they bring that on themselves? Some books, such as The Secret, which I really love, but makes you feel like everything bad in your life...YOU brought on. So if that is the case, then my step-father deserved ALS and to suffer? And children with cancer deserved that? That is when I get skeptical of just having positive thinking.

I feel like I'm in a slump and don't know what to do to get out of it... any suggestions?? I'm still trying to be positive and live each MOMENT (something I really need practice on), but I feel like when I get down...I keep getting more and more down. Don't know how to do pick me up's.

Maybe I'll volunteer or do community service for others. Helping always makes me feel wonderful. Also, WRITING. Which is probably why I'm writing right now. But I mean really, really writing: personal journal, my novels, poems...anything. It's a wonderful way to express yourself, even if it's a tad bit darker.

Life isn't full of peaches and dancing butterflies...daily...because sometimes it is :) but you can try to see the beauty, even if the darkest situation.

You can find that light. Because I have. Even in the darkest time of my life...I did. That's what made me so strong throughout all this. And that is what will get me through!!
Inspirational light. 
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!! Tomorrow I'm doing that wonderful Zumbathon for ALS, and then seeing The Woman in Black (ah). Then we have the Superbowl!! Wahoo. 

xo. 

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